In Praise of Old Ladies

I began writing this blog post three years ago. But as things often go, life got in the way, other topics became more urgent or easier to get out, and this one went into the draft pile. Since then, though, I’ve accumulated more to add to the story, so waiting was worth it.

In 2022, my good friend, Jerry, was 89 years old. She’s a composer, too, and I was fortunate enough to see her at a conference. She had quite the tale to tell about her travels. The first leg of her flight was delayed, causing her to miss the second flight. By the time she arrived at her room in the overpriced airport hotel, it was well past midnight. She had to be up at 3am the next morning to get the earliest flight to her destination, where she picked up her rental car and drove straight to the conference. She only missed the first hour.

That’s a lot of determination.

Did I mention she was 89?

After a couple of full days of walking across campus from venue to venue, she was still up for going out for a late dinner with friends to cap off the weekend, as long as I did the driving in the dark.

That’s a lot of energy. Did I tell you she was 89?

She is now 92, but she hasn’t really slowed down.

Jerry’s enthusiasm for life isn’t just in the amount of energy she can maintain. It also shows up in her career. She still invests in learning. She embraces new ideas. She is not deterred by new technologies. I saw her at an online conference in January. We email regularly, and she told me about some recent coaching she had received from another composer less than half her age, and how much it had helped her grow her composition career. In the last few years, the number of performances and commissions she has received has grown tremendously!

She is generous with her time and knowledge, too. She has told me about workshops, conferences, organizations, websites, and other things that will help me move forward as a composer. She has given me tips on some techniques related to composing. In turn, she has also been eager to hear what I have to share, asking me to comment on her in-process pieces and where I find public-domain poetry.

She loves to collaborate. She has teamed up with several undergraduate vocal majors to write art songs for them.

Jerry amazes me. Her zest for life is inspiring.

Since I began writing this blog post, I have met more women around the same age – other musicians, in fact – who blow my mind with their tenacity and vivacity.

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Built with Kit

I have a new student, Dorothy. I am teaching her how to use Sibelius. She is 92 years old! At the end of our first lesson, she remarked, “The world has changed so fast. I’ve got to catch up!”

Instead of complaining about how things aren’t the same as they were back in “her” day, she sees it as her responsibility to change and grow with the world.

When the person who was engraving her compositions could no longer do the work, she decided it was time to learn the computer software herself. She is going from pencil-and-paper to computer in her advanced age. Yet, people less than half her age are moaning about switching from one notation software to another (Finale vs. Dorico.)

(By the way, I Googled her and discovered that she gave a public piano recital at age 90. Just wow!)

Then there’s Helen. Though she has slowed down a bit in the last year and no longer gets to church every week, she still sings in the choir when she can. Even though she sings from a wheelchair, her voice is remarkably clear and strong for someone so old. She is a retired church music director and, for a special treat, conducted the choir on her 100th birthday!

Three years ago, the impetus for this post was the death of Estelle Harris at age 94. As I started reading the list of roles she had played (I was most familiar with her roles in Seinfeld and Toy Story), I started doing the math. Wait a minute. She was how old when she did that??? She was seventy-one when she began her role as Mrs. Potato Head.

They say age is just a number. And it’s true.

But we have to make sure this doesn’t remain just a saying.

It’s important to find and model ourselves after those who are living out this truth, who are not letting age determine their identity, value or accomplishments, who are living with a zest for life that is almost other-worldly.

These women are in decent health, but they don’t move fast. Despite this, their minds are on fire! And they are determined to maximize whatever opportunities and abilities they currently have.

It’s as if they are living in the present so much, the present never ends.

Obviously, not everyone lucks out to have great mental and physical health at such an old age. Yet, the fact that these three 90+ year old women who are tackling the world like they are still twenty tells me that this zest for life is not pure luck.

They didn’t develop this mindset in their later years. They already had it, which I believe has enabled them to continue in it.

As Michale Scott wrote in The Warlock, “The day we stop learning is the day we die.”

These women, in their 90s and older, have not ceased learning and exploring.

Let us emulate them to the greatest extent possible.

And for those of you who have to switch from Finale to another notation software, take a cue from Dorothy and determine that it is on you to catch up to the changes. If she can do it, so can you.

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